People who haven’t experienced miscarriage themselves can underestimate the significance of a pregnancy loss. It can also be hard for other people to understand that although the pregnancy might not have progressed very far, the baby may still have become an important part of the family. Even the most well-intentioned people can say things that feel insensitive. For those supporting someone who has miscarried, do not minimise the loss. Miscarriage is often devastating.
Don’t say:
“There was probably something wrong with it.”
“At least it wasn’t a real baby.”
“You can try again.”
“At least you know you can get pregnant.”
“Miscarriage is very common.”
“At least you’ve already got a child.”
“Don’t talk about it, you’ll upset other people.”
Don’t ignore the person or act like nothing happened.
Don’t cast judgement.
But do say:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Can I do anything to help you today?”
Do send a card, drop off some comfort food or a home-cooked meal, or send flowers.
Do remember that the father may need support too.
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